I haven’t been posting as much lately. Mainly because no one’s really checking out my blog but that’s fine; really, this thing has more or less become my journal as sad and pathetic as that sounds. Only I write on here whenever something is really troubling me or angering me. And right now something is really bugging me and I guess if people want to add something they can but it’s more or less just me writing this because I’ve felt the need to. I have this friend “Kate” (she’s from Russia so her name isn’t Kate but it’s close) and we’re pretty good friends but as of lately I’ve been having mixed feelings about her. 

I mean the past couple months were great, I was glad I knew her, but the thing is I wish I hadn’t grown so close to her. If you look at my blog you can get the idea that I’m not that good with people anymore. It’s hard for me to make friends and that’s by choice and it’s because nearly every friend I’ve made has left me behind while they moved to a different state or school or what have you. So after awhile I kinda realized that to avoid the hurt of losing friends I just stopped growing close to people. Now I wouldn’t be rude but I’d keep them at a distance and unfortunately for me I broke my rule and I grew close to Kate. She’s one of the very, very few girls I’ve met that has made me genuinely laugh and probably only the second girl that has ever kept me interested in a conversation. She shares my strange sense of humor and has even watched shock videos (one man, one jar; the church of fudge; putrid sex object; and shake that bear) and to top it all of she’s really nice and really pretty. About a week ago she offered to hopefully make me a Russian dish that I’ve always wanted to try. But still something inside of me is making me start to push her away and I’m confused as to whether I should let us drift apart to save myself from the pain I may feel when she leaves back to her home country or if I should keep the relationship intact and hope for the best.

A few days ago I showed up to help out with a school event only to see her there helping out with the same thing and for some reason I couldn’t help but feel as though she was annoyed by my presence. I felt like I didn’t belong; if I didn’t need to be at that function I wouldn’t have shown up at all but I had to go and stay for a few hours. During the whole time I felt unwelcome and I felt like a burden so I left 20 minutes early before the event was over. What bothers me even more is that she usually makes an effort to at least ask how my day is or speak to me about something but today she never spoke to me or so much as gave me a glance. And it made me wonder even more, is she already over our friendship because I was unconsciously drifting from her? If so I guess I have no choice but to move on even if I find that I really don’t want too…

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Mass Effect 3 Fan Art by Patryk Olejniczak

This is Fan art of Mass Effect 3, although I’m not a gamer but this mind-blowing fan art tells the story for the whole game